Where is Mr. Right

I really wish I could start off saying what everybody says "I'm young and there's more then enough time to find someone" but the truth is I don't feel happy like this, I'm the sort of person that feels a necessity to have someone to share every moment with, good bad and wacky, from that cool movie that was on TV to the boring documentary on discovery.

It makes me wonder, "why is it so hard to find someone for me?" I don't think I'm a bad person to be with, sure not everyone manages to keep up, but I believe that if you try to really know me you'll see I'm a good friend and though a bit weird at times I can be a real nice person.

It's as if casual and one night stand relationships are now fashionable and long term thing is a thing of the past, and that's so not me!

Relationships? I've had a few, but no more then the fingers on my hands and that includes any guy I even just kissed, so overall I don't think compared to a lot of people that it's a big number or even close to that.

My last relationship? It was a 3 year relationship of breaking up and getting back together, it would seem he wanted and didn't want me at the same time, though a year older he seemed more clueless then me in most ways. I must say I went through some hurtful times and some injuries remain, that's what relationships do to you, they leave scars that you may never find a cure to, make you trust people a bit less, makes it harder when you want to like someone... and sometimes it has strange affects on you that you can't explain like when you like someone so much you feel you hate them, cause the person that can hurt us the most is the one we care for the most.

I don't want to sound arrogant, seriously, I'm not the type of snobby girl that thinks she's all that, but I do think I have quite a few good qualities about me, I really am against betraying anyone in any shape or form, in my past relationship even when I was really down and with trouble in paradise I rejected the advances of other people, no matter how in need of attention I was, when I'm with someone I don't have eyes for anyone else.

I'm extremely honest, it can be a good or a bad thing for some.
I tend to say everything that's on my mind, good bad or not, and some people tend to get scandalized by it or confused, I must admit I can be confusing sometimes even to myself, but I try my best to make sense lol.

I can be silly at times and I'd say I can be a bit like Dorie from Finding Nemo, that silly and forgetful character that though strange is really a nice fish :)

I love to travel and love indoors as much as outdoors, I don't go out as much as I'd like as I've lost contact of quite a few friends and have a hard time making friends sometimes due to my personality.

I like spontaneity and try not to think about what everyone else thinks, what I think matters more to me, I know I'm a good person, so I'll be me not what people want me to be, if I feel like dancing I'll dance, even if there's no music, lol

I must admit I tend to be very intimidated when I'm alone and not as outgoing as when I'm with friends, I just feel comfort in numbers hard to explain.

I tend to have an in dept way of thinking about things, a sort of philosophical view on the world, and tend to analyze everything and everyone in trying to understand it better. I tend to keep an open mind to things and try not to judge, I try to do to others what I'd like done to me.

I'm not a looks and material things sort of person, what matters mostly to me is character cause the looks fade and character remains. So to me the most important when looking for love is the chemistry I feel with the person, how he treats and makes me feel.

Why is it so hard to find someone to get along with, with so many billions of people, why is it so hard to find one, just one to hold me when I am scared, cold, or feeling lonely, someone to keep me from falling, that wouldn't feel embarrassed by me but proud, that wouldn't mind doing crazy things with me as long as we are together, dancing in the rain, go swimming in the middle of the night, howl to the moon just because you felt like it.
Someone I could cry in front of and not feel vulnerable and that wouldn't be afraid to cry in front of me too.

Someone I could love and love me in return, someone I could share every moment of my life with every detail and that would share his with me, not feeling tired of me or imprisoned.

Someone I can relax at home with to a nice movie or go out for drinks and some night life.

Someone that will show an interest in what I like and I can show an interest in his things too.

With so many billions of people, why will one person like this, be so improbable to find, is it that it should be so probable that the probability turns to improbability?

I just know that though I'm 20 years old and I know that's young, I wish I already had that someone, I know not everyone feels they need that someone but I've felt I need a serious someone from way younger, everyone has their own system, instincts and biological clock and mine has been asking for Mr. Right for way longer then I can even remember, but my luck seems to be unlucky and my Mr. Right seems to be a part of a puzzle I may never find by the looks of things :(

I just wish I could find my Mr. Right!